Wow! I haven’t written anything for a mighty minute…have I? Nope! So here I sit, trying to figure out what I want to ramble off about tonight. Oh yea, well since I have had so much time alone these days. I have really been watching a lot of documentaries. I love documentaries! Documentaries talk about stuff you may never have heard about before. This form of entertainment has taught me a lot of new and interesting stuff, which I never knew was going on. I watch documentaries a lot! I also have found myself re-watching the movie called M.I.L.K this weekend, and one thing that Harvey Milk had said in that movie, has really touched me personally. It was while his lover was throwing him a romantic birthday party. Harvey said this to his lover; “I’m 40 years old, and I have never done anything important in my life!” How many of us out there, feel exactly this same way? I’m not talking about shit that doesn’t matter either. Like making porn, commercials, or B-movies, shit…the whole media experience is basically forgettable these days. There are a few exception that you or I can remember, but, just like most things in our society; everything and everyone, except for the (very few), have let others treat them like disposable garbage. Most of us do know what happens to garbage…right? Garbage is forgotten! Forgotten like so many millions and billions of people, who where treated that way, and are disposed of world wide. Humanity is not a commodity, a commodity that the evil industrial machines, have brained washed most of us into believing we have become. This is especially true with the younger people of our current generation.
So on with this post! I was also watching a documentary about forgiveness. It’s actually one of the best doc’s that I have watched lately. They have actually begun to teach forgiveness in schools in Ireland. I think that that is the best idea and news that I have ever heard. Most people really don’t understand what forgiveness actually is and is really for. Forgiveness is geared to teach you and me, to forgive the Meany’s in our lives…so when they mouth off, you and I can move on with our days. Without jumping off the top of a building somewhere, because, of something some insensitive prick or bitch that day, or everyday has said to us. Now that’s the beginning of forgiveness. Forgiveness is also for people whom have been brutalized and victimized by some monster or monsters somewhere around the world. Even murder can be forgiven, but sometimes forgiveness takes years, and the person who’s forgiving someone, has to do it for themselves. No one can force another human being to forgive someone! It took me 15years to forgive my kids father, and no, me forgiving him does not take away the flashbacks that I have suffered from, because of the horrible abuse that I have suffered threw because of him. I don’t want anyone’s pity…I’m just being honest, there are some events that will be so horrible, if you are unlucky enough to have to live threw anything like that; after having gone threw these types of brutal events, your mind will try saving you from insanity or taking your own life. Your mind will break all the bad, within fragments into your mind. Why? So that you won’t go insane remembering all that awful brutality at once. That’s exactly what has happened to me, psychologists have told me…that I will never be the same, and my memory will always suck because of what happened. So after years, of hating my victimizer, who’s also my baby’s father…I had to learn how to forgive him, or I was on my way to the loony bin. For years, I was an insomniac, and I would go over and over in my mind, how I was going to get even with him. I’d fantasize about destroying him as a person! But that didn’t work, that only wound up giving me nightmares, insomnia, and a bleeding ulcer.
So while I was watching a doc about forgiveness, they spoke about the family members whom had children, spouses and relatives that where victims in the Twin Towers. There where 3 women that they focused on. One had a husband whom worked in the towers. The other two had sons one died in the tower the other was a firefighter that died in one of the towers. I felt the most compassion towards the lady with the firefighter son. Let me explain to you why; I couldn’t believe what she retold. She said; “it was tragic when my son died, when they called me and told me, I fell on the floor and cried. I was sad, I was angry. I feel like my son was victimized twice, once by the terrorists, and a second time by the city of New York!” What she is referring to as the camera paned wide, to give us a wide view of a land field, this picture of a land field; is where the remains and ashes of the gutted burned out Twin Towers where dumped. Now get this, the field is named; Fresh Kill. She went on to say; “so they never found any of his remains, and we just assumed he was cremated in the fire. Until…we went down to that land field, where we found someone’s wallet, and bank card, that’s when we knew that his remains are probably somewhere amongst all that trash.” One of the relatives of the 9/11 victims, in that scene, showed the camera a picture of a large bone fragment, that looked like a part of someone’s upper leg. She then went on to say; “I’m having a hard time forgiving this, it’s like these victims have been thrown in the trash, and to put insult to injury, they nicknamed this illegal graveyard and dumping field; fresh kill! How do you forgive something like that? How would anyone forgive not only the terrorism that killed our relatives, but also the disgusting disregard for our loved ones remains? I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive this!” I really feel what she said, because, I don’t know if I would ever be able to forgive it either. But one of the parishes in New York is coming up with a sanctuary of forgiveness within the park where the towers once stood. I think it’s a beautiful idea, but I don’t believe a lot of the relatives are ready to forgive anyone for what happened, and I don’t blame them.
So there was another relative whose son was a victim of a violent crime and killed. He was shot in the head at point blank range, so that a group of teenagers could have some free pizza and was killed instantly. On the stand the 14 year old, whom was responsible for the killing, asked the Muslim man whose son was the victim, to forgive him, and become his Grand Father’s friend. This is the most forgiving story, which I have ever heard of to date. Why? Because the victims father actually forgave the 14 year old who shot and killed his son, point blank in the head, over a worthless pizza. Then the Muslim father and the Grand father of the assailant became best friends, and amazingly started an organization to stop young kids from killing people with guns threw the act of forgiveness. Leading by example threw their own story of forgiveness; their story worked for me. The conclusion with forgiveness is that the only person who feels badly when someone has been victimized or killed by a criminal, are the people whom our related to the victims or the victims will feel hate and anger towards their victimizer. Eventually we all have to come to terms with our anger, and learn how to forgive. We don’t forgive just for ourselves, but so that our future generations will also learn how to forgive; with out forgiveness humanity is never going to evolve.
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