Fathers Day Is Just Another Day

Written by Linda Mains

OK to all those people out there that have shity parents. This next post is for you. Now I wasn't lucky growing up. I had an angry mother, who could barely stand my father, and a father who hated being married. So basically, I grew up alone. Just recently I watched a very dark movie called "Precious," it wasn't just dark, it was void of almost all hope." It's about an unattractive, over weight, black teenager, who's trapped with her abusive mother. A mother that was allowing her husband, Precious step father, to repeatedly rape Precious. Rape that resulted with her becoming pregnant twice. She befriended her teacher and her welfare worker. Then after having her second baby, her mentally disturbed mother, kicked her out in the cold with a new born baby. Why did her mother kick her out? Because this crazy bitch was jealous of her. Why was her mother jealous? I guess she actually believed, that her child that was being raped by her husband, was trying to steal him away from her. As if things couldn't get any worse for Precious, she also tested positive for H.I.V. Are you disturbed yet? So at the end of the movie, Precious agreed to see her mother. Her mother explained that there was nothing that she could do to stop her husband from rapping her daughter. Her mother also tried to pity Precious and her social worker into allowing her to see her grand kids again. Her mother then went on to say: "I didn't know what to do, I did what I had to do! Do you know what that's like?" Precious told her in front of the social worker; "for a long time, you know, I just brushed what was going on under the rug. Or...maybe, I just didn't want to believe it. You are never going to see me or my kids again!" Leaving her mother crying and emotionally coming unhinged. 

No I wasn't molested, although I have had many of my friends whom where. They were either molested by their real fathers or by their step fathers. It was hard to listen to some of my friends stories, but...that's just what good friends do, they listen. No I wasn't lucky, like I told you, my parents did nothing but fight, when I was a child. When I was growing up, that's all I really remember them ever doing, was fighting. I remember one day their fighting had become so bad, that I just sat in my closet hiding, sticking my fingers in my ear's. That was an attempt to drown out the sound of my parents screaming at each other. My father was constantly cheating on my mother, and when I was 5 year old, I found my mother crumpled and crying on the floor, holding another woman's phone number. I was 5 years old! What could I do to help my mother? How could a five year old comfort her? She couldn't! I prayed that my parents would break up....then one day they did, and that was the happiest day of my life. The next year when I was 6 years old, my Grandmother told me; "if you ever plan on being married. Just expect your husband to cheat on you. That's the only way you'll survive it." So I prayed when I was a child, that I never would get married, and if I hadn't accidentally gotten pregnant when I was 20. I would never have had any children. You're probably asking me why? Because I'm just too much of a free spirit, that's why. 

Now my father unfortunately is almost a spitting image of Ron Jeremy, he's fat, bald and basically unattractive. He loves farting and jokes, and jokes about farting. Except after year's of these types of jokes, when he does fart, it really isn't that funny to me anymore. I mean, it was never really that funny to begin with. He thinks he's funny; so who am I to stop him? My beef with my father is, he left me with my abusive mother. She wasn't really physically abusive, she was just verbally abusive; with put downs like; you're stupid, I hate you, I wish you had never been born, and the like. To add to my problems with my family while growing up, my father would always say..."I'll come and see you on your birthday, I'll be there!" Guess what happened more times then not? My father never showed up to my birthday's! It always happened because of some woman, that he was seeing at the time. He never made up to me, for not showing up, and he really didn't care about how I felt. So because I was going threw so much as a teenager, added with a big handful of bullying while at school. I wound up running away from home at least 15 times. I fell in love with a 25 year old at 16 years of age. I got into the drug scene. Then I wound up beating up an ROTC Sergeant in High School, whom was bullying me, and finally I dropped out of High School. 

As if things couldn't get any worse for me; I met and then fell in love with a phyco-path, whom was 10 years older then me. Who beat me for 7 years. I escaped with my life and a son. A son I left with my Grandparents, whom was then adopted by my mother. I then went on to become a stripper for 12 years, and here I am today. Did the love that I never felt that I got from my father or my mother, lead to how my life wound up?My mother reminds me of the character in the movie Precious. She acted like she hated me, when I was growing up, and continued with that type of behavior for most of my adult life. She now wants to be friends. I don't feel one way or the other about her, but I do feel uncomfortable around her. So my mother and I don't talk, and we don't hang out either. It's fathers day today, and even though I have forgiven my father. I did live with him at his house for two years, finally getting to know him. I still feel that's hes a very thoughtless, selfish, and self-centered person. Will he ever change? Well I tried to call him. To simply wish him a happy father's day, but, I guess he was out on another date with some chick, because all I got was the answering machine. So if you're like me or have had something worse happen to you while growing up, just know that Father's Day is just another day.