Drama And My Life!

Written by Linda Mains

Being alive in California, has become somewhat of an adventure these days. I really can't say my long run with adventure hasn't been fun, somewhat scary or just downright stupid. Some would say, I've been very lucky, while others like this Indian Hindu friend said; “you are lucky at nothing!” Yes, I do have luck, but, most would refer to my type of luck as “dumb luck.” Case in point, I'd never fall in love with a millionaire or a real rock star or...even a has been rock star. I'd rather go for a younger guy, who's hot, then a guy my own age, and that means, that generally it's going to be a struggle. Why? Because young guys right now are struggling to survive because of our economy.

Does that make me crazy? Like the Blacked Eyed Pea's are singing about, maybe...or maybe that makes me just like you? I'm not a materialistic person, and once I started meditating, I gave up almost all of my materialistic possessions. I just wanted a more idealistic way of being. We think with our minds, so what does any possession really hold over us? If you answered nothing, then you'd be correct! My boyfriend and I, just recently met a woman, who represent at least to me a song by the Eagles that says; her big house gets lonely, so she drives all night into his arms. Hey it 7:50 in the morning as I'm writing this. So if the lyrics aren't exactly right from that song, just...“deal with it!” Now she's only 25years old, and her pervy 40 something year old husband, is just fine with how his deal in life worked out. She's lonely and gets whatever she wants, and in a way so does he. But did I want my life to wind up that way? I had the opportunity to marry a very rich and independent man. Did I do it? Hell no! One day I looked at him, and bit my upper lip, and thought, if, I marry a man that I don't love. Which would lead to me one day blowing my head off, but worse then that, I'd have wasted my life on a person, I didn't really care about. Not to say that real love won't make you feel the same way. Why? Because, some great relationships, have made people feel that way too. I was married for 4 years it was a great relationship. He was an Aquarius and I was a Taurus, we never fought but because we never fought, there wasn’t any glue holding us together either, and it really was a lifeless boring relationship. That ultimately ended. At the time I thought it was the end of my world, and wound up in the hospital after a failed suicide attempt. Would I ever do that again? Hell no! Why? Because getting your stomach pumped, at 3AM in the morning, is a hellish experience, that no one should ever have to go threw. Plus, there is NO man, who is worth ending your life over! I realize that now. At that time my pig of an ex-husband, wouldn't even come and visit me in the hospital. Something that still bothers me to this day. But that didn't stop that bullock from asking me to remarry him. Of course his marriage request happened after I got breast implants. I was an A cup, that went to a C cup, that went to a double D cup, and yes, I paid for the two surgery’s all by myself. How did I do it? I was a stripper for 12 years that's how. To all of the negative nannies who will try to use any of this information against me at a latter date, all I have to say to you is suck a d*ck!

In a way I guess, this post is about my life, but not really, because I know lots of women whom have gone threw the same things that I have. I'm not special, I'm also not stuck on myself or anyone else. So since I grew up in Hollywood, I'm also over the Fame Game and whom or what is playing that game. I'm not shallow and don't play those games, because, more times then I like to admit that attitude has taken it's toll on my friends and I. I have to say that being that way really was a giant waist of all of our time. I used to work at the Star Strip and have seen the biggest ego's walk threw that door, and it's funny to me that some of the most down to earth people in California, that I have ever met, were the people whom were really rich and famous. Now the not so rich and famous people, were the real phonies! It's especially funny to me, but, once you accept an idealistic way of being; that minds are for minds and that minds are not for the stuff you can buy, then you too will realize all you've really been missing which wasn't a bunch of crap. I know I did. I realized that I don't own anyone, and if any relationship that I'm in ends. That in that ending there was a reason, and that our time and journey together has just ended and that's the end of the story for us. I don't dwell on negative people whom were in my past anymore either. Which is really a great and freeing feeling, and a real blessing. Being able to move on with your life without taking your own life, is the most important lesson, that anyone of us can learn. I used to have a friend that would always tell me, that he wasn't my bartender. But what is a bartender? A bartender is a friend, that you pay, to serve you drinks! So if you're the type of person who doesn't have the heart, to listen to your friends, when they need your ear, then you Sir are a lousy friend. Because what are friends for, if they aren’t there to listen to you?

I have friends I talk to all the time, about things that people do, that I just can't understand. Like people who get mad at you for trying to help them? What, only people you know or your friends, can help you with a problem, when you're feeling down or having difficult problems that are arising in your life. Anyway, I tried to help a woman, who's married to a convict that is in jail for vehicular manslaughter, and he'll be there for the next 11 years. Now mind you, I did all of this bro-Bono, and it took 3 hours to do, during the worst tooth ache I have ever had. So what did this idiot go and tell me next. She basically said; that what I had writing had put their case at risk. Ya, I was like what case? Because he's still in jail, and not getting out next Christmas either. Then she proceeded to write me 6 or 7 evil messages. I thought to myself, that this woman doesn't really want her husband out of jail, and really must enjoy, all the sympathy that she is constantly getting from her husbands imprisonment and the case. Now mind you the story is written defending her side. So what is really going on? Because does it make any sense to you, that any woman, wouldn't thank a person, that would take an interest in an old case, by writing anything beneficial for her? So I spoke to my face-book friends who said “who”, exactly who the hell is this chick? But my other friends said, “she's f-ing crazy!” And she had told me to forget about it, but every single face-book friend and real friend supports me, and told me not to delete the story, because it is freedom of speech, and they also told me that I should never stop writing, because of what some crazy chick or person has said to me. I won't be taking the time to ever write about anyone, who is or was in the porn industry ever again, because, I feel and told my friend the same; that a lot of those types of people are nothing but drama Kings and Queens! All of which I really want out of my life.

I also will no longer be answering my face book friends about how they can get into the adult industry, because I simply don't care about that industry anymore. So I told a guy who's a facebook friend, whom is always writing me and asking me questions about the industry that; the industry eats people up and spits them out! They'll give you your 15 or 16 pieces of silver for your scenes, but unless you plan on dying right after you have done your scenes and retired from the business. Your life will forever be damaged and changed. You will have to worry about what employer's, family member's, neighbor's or relative's finding out about your films. Which will make you paranoid, leading to people whom are in it becoming porn drama Kings and Queens. I told him, you might not get hired, for an important job and if you do, you might be fired for your past. Your kids might find out, and be embarrassed by you. So I said; I do not attempt to introduce people into the business, because, I simply don't believe in helping people to destroy their life’s! So I respectfully asked him to stop asking me about the industry and to ask someone else, or I was going to delete him from my account. If he wants to destroy his life...he can do that all by himself! So anyway I'm attempting to become a kinder and gentler soul, and I am also trying to stay away from all of the drama in Californian. Will I succeed? Maybe with a little help from my friends, along with a whole lot of luck.